We are 4 weeks post partum this week and I decided to start taking control of what had become some pretty horrific eating habits.
I've never had a great relationship with food. I've always been the biggest out of my friends and family so always found myself feeling quite pressured to constantly be attempting to lose weight. And of course when you constantly try fad diets you tend to constantly fail at any big weight loss and just make yourself more unhealthy. Back in 2015, I joined a local slimming world group. A family friend had lost so much weight on slimming world and she consistently lost and stayed healthy and never seemed to be hungry! Which as a food lover is what I struggle with when dieting- the feeling of hunger. It's a horrible pain and I hate the side effects of basically starving my body with headaches and what I call hanger- hungry fuelled anger. I joined the local group on a Monday evening and I'll be honest after the meeting and having it all explained I was dubious. Could I really see myself losing up 6lb a week? No. I couldn't see myself losing 6lb a month let alone a week!! Well, fast forward a month and I'd lost over a stone and I was the smallest I'd ever been. I stopped going after a couple of months because of work and as usual, the weight crept back on. I flitted between slimming world and just eating whatever after that and it obviously meant I wasn't happy with my weight over time. When we went to Croatia I felt huge and then when we fell pregnant I was the biggest I'd been in a long time. I didn't eat well throughout my pregnancy. I picked at the wrong things and with all the stress and worry that unfortunately became a huge part of this pregnancy I found myself comfort eating... so it's no surprise I gained nearly 2 stone on top of the stone I was constantly losing and gaining before falling pregnant. At 3 weeks post partum I weighed myself and not to my surprise I was 13stone10! Because we have moved the wedding back a year I no longer feel a load of pressure to drop the weight i had gained before being pregnant and during. Which is a relief to say the least! That being said I decided to stop eating all the bread and chocolate and take back some control! So I'm back on the slimming world hype- but from Home. I'm not in the position to commit myself to weekly weigh ins and £5 a week just yet but I am in the position to live by the slimming world way and make better choices. 5 days in and I already feel a lot better. I'm not being super strict on myself and I've allowed myself to go over syns on 2 days in the name on Nutella and my sanity. I'm also not planning on weighing myself every week because I know I'll become obsessive but I'm keeping track of my food etc with a fab planner from fox and moon. It's one for slimming worlders and includes spaces for your healthy extras and syns! As well as pages for meal plans and shopping lists. It's been really handy and has helped me keep track of everything I've eaten and I couldn't reccomend it enough. It was also sent really quick and I received it the day after ordering! I'll be honest, between feeding a toddler and feeding a newborn and making sure everyone is happy, I have found myself forgetting to eat lunch a few times, and missing meals isn't something I want to do to lose weight. But even if I just grab a quick banana I feel better for it. Once I've been given the all clear at my 6 week check I'll be starting to train for my 5k run for Julia's house so that will of course help my weight loss goals!! After Abi I became too obsessed with my weight and it stopped me enjoying everything but this time I'm not pushing myself. I'm a pretty self conscience person and putting too much pressure on myself just causes me to become pretty horrible. I don't want to be defined by the number on the scales either so will mostly be judging any weight loss by how my clothes feel- I of course have my goal jeans that are a size 10 (I've had these since having Abi mind!) so wish me luck on finally fitting into them!!! Jess X
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Im writing this a little early because I've actually got time and peace to do so - i know, I'm just as surprised as you are! So, Isabel is 4 weeks old and I cannot believe how fast time is going **que hormonal tears** Compared to Abigail's first few weeks, Isabel is a challenge! Despite only being 4 weeks old, she clearly doesn't believe in sleep and likes to fight her naps during the day. That being said at night she's quite good and settles fairly quickly so I'll accept the fussy day time napping. Last week I wrote about her cows milk allergy, well it's been a week on her new milk and finally she's improved! It took a few days, but her poo finally stopped being full of mucus and blood- some nice green poo for us! Her nappy rash also massively improved and her dry skin is slowly improving also. It did take a few days for her to adjust to the new milk but finally she's gussling it all and her appetite is improving. She's still a puker- something we never had to experience with Abi as she rarely threw up. Isabel can projectile vomit like a pro!! We have a doctors appointment in a few days for a check up so I'm planning on mentioning it just to be sure it's not the milk or anything untoward causing it. Weight wise? She was 8lb3oz just over a week Ago and I am sceptical that she's maybe lost some weight after her blip when we changed milk so I'm going to get her weighed hopefully this week. She's still smaller than Abigail was at this age and is still comfortably fitting into her newborn baby gro's. Abigail was however longer and slimmer than Isabel who's shorter a little podgier (something she gets from me unfortunately for her!) Her hair is growing already and I love it! It's a lot darker than Abigail was and it's super soft and fluffy- even when full of sick!! Isabel is a cuddly baby and needs to feel tight and secure. Abi loved cuddles but Isabel seems to need them and falls asleep at night swaddled (something Abi wouldn't ever allow from birth!) Admittedly We are probably not helping the cuddle fiend seeing as we are all obsessed and can't get enough of a good snuggle- Abi likes to call them family cuddles! We've also finally got some smiles that aren't wind related the last week and god they make my heart melt! Abi is still obsessed. She loves her little sister and when she comes back after a day with nanny or nursery she isn't interested in us parents but just her little sister. She's very protective and can't get enough of showing her off to everyone and anyone who will listen. Chris has been back at work 2 weeks and to say it's been an adjustment is an understatement but I'm finally starting to get our routine in place so I'm feeling much happier and calmer about being alone with two littles! I'm definitely missing time with just chris where all my attention can be focused on him instead of me constantly flitting between two children and house work and general life. Now that he is back at work I refuse to let him work all day then come home and do more work. Plus I actually love house work and cooking so I don't want to share that! Once Isabel is a bit older and I'm not so nervous about leaving her I'm definitely planning a nice date day/night. He's the greatest dad though and the last month he's been our hero! I desperately want time to go a little slower now though! I can't believe how fast it's going, especially how fast Abi has suddenly grown up!! So after 4 weeks (well almost 4 weeks...) how much are we living being a family of 4? Well we LOVE it. It's like Isabel has always been here and she's definitely completed us. Even through the not so easy times!! Jess
X In my last post I wrote about how Isabel just wasn't right. She had shocking nappy rash and just wouldn't settle. Isabel has been a dream baby since she was born, but I'll be honest and say that I have spent the first 3 weeks of her life convinced something isn't quite right. And it has definitely marred our time together! I'm a massive worrier anyway, I'm neurotic to the point that it is a bit of a joke amongst our families. I always worry, and even did before we had children. After a pregnancy that was full of problems and me worrying, I was, and I am ashamed to say It, embarrassed and worried about voicing any concerns I had about Isabel to anyone. I did of course mention them to any midwife or health visitor who came around but as soon as they were brushed off I never asked more question. I just accepted what I was being told. Since she was born, Isabel has had some pretty feisty bowel movements. After a few days she was pooing during every feed and they weren't little! She never appeared to strain to much though so despite being a bit concerned I wasn't too worried like I was with Abigail when she suffered with constipation. Despite not much straining though, sometimes Isabel did seem slightly bothered by it so I mentioned it to the midwife at her 5 day check who told me that it was perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. A week later, I mentioned to another midwife that her poo was just as frequent and actually it was sometimes quite mucussy... Again, she told me it was all normal. Looking back I knew this wasn't normal and should of definitely pushed for the midwife to ask more questions and have a look. As well as her constant pooing, Isabel also has had a bit of a snotty nose and a little cough since she was about 2 days old. I put it down to Abi having a cold and passing it on to Isabel but when she didn't show much other cold symptoms I did start to wonder if it was something more. Again, I was told it was normal. I didn't believe this for a second and again, looking back I wish I had been more forceful and less of a push over. Isabel's skin is also a little dry and she had had a couple of little whitehead spots pop up around her nose and when I started to apply baby oil to her driest patches only to see no improvement I did start to find myself googling various different causes. Among some of the answers I found that dry skin and spots are quite common in over due babies- Isabel wasn't over due so checked that of the list of possible causes. all the other possibilities for dry skin and spots seemed to then all look to breast feeding and whatever the mother is eating to be the cause. So as I'm not breastfeeding I gave up looking and just continued how I was going. As you would of read in my last post, Wednesday saw her suffering with a horrific nappy rash. Something she had never suffered with previously and as a new born shouldn't be suffering with anyway. That night, when I changed her nappy for bed, I noticed bloody mucus in her poo. As you can imagine I panicked, but Chris calmed me down and we decided to keep a close eye on her that night and call the doctors in the morning. Throughout the night Isabel had 4 pooey nappies, all with the mucussy blood. But she was fine in herself, alert and feeding well. Her nappy rash however was getting worse and was also bleeding. The only difference was she was more sicky than usual after a feed but again seemed perfectly happy in herself. In the morning I called the doctors and the duty doctor called me back within an hour. This is where I became a very angry mum. The doctor listened to me and then calmly tried to tell me that it was her little breakthrough bleed. I quickly informed it was not and that it was definitely in her poo. SO his next assumption and diagnosis over the phone? She is constipated. I lost it. He had clearly not listened to me when I told him that she had no problem pooing and he wouldn't accept my refusal to accept his over the phone diagnosis. Eventually he gave in and offered me an appointment- 24 hours later. Again, I refused and demanded an appointment within the next hour which luckily another doctor had one available. I was pretty furious that a doctor had tried to diagnose a new born baby with bloody mucus in their poo over the phone. It's hard enough to diagnose a baby in person let alone with out actually seeing them!! The doctor we did see was incredible and didn't take long to diagnose Isabel with a suspected cows milk protein allergy. I say suspected because she explained you can't be too sure at this age but we were prescribed a special milk. Of course my children wouldn't just go in to the doctors, be checked and leave though. Isabel literally pooed in the doctors face (she had to wipe her glasses!) and wee'd all over me. She only prescribed us 1 tin, which we are already running out of and it's a Sunday so I'm starting to panic about getting a tin for the evening! Isabel isn't too keen. The milk is a lot thicker than aptamil and Isabel is a finicky eater anyway- often having a oz, then a quick 5 minute nap and then another oz etc. So we will have to see how she gets on with it over time. Along with the heavy use of bepanthen, her nappy rash has cleared up really well and that was within less than 24 hours. She's been sick quite a lot still but it doesn't concern us like it used too. And her Poo is still occasionally bloody but it's only been 2 days so I'm giving it till Monday to improve her poo situation. Admittedly though it has gotten better even if only a little. I did feel really guilty for not pushing for more help and just accepting "it's normal" as an answer the first time I was concerned, and I did blame myself for the fact the nappy rash was hurting her and that she had been suffering. But then I remembered I'm only human and also I'm not a medical professional in the slightest so it was only natural for me to accept any answer I was given regarding her health! When you become a mum, it's like you suddenly have another set of instincts that are so powerful you actually lose sleep if you suspect something. Be it a cold or something more serious, as soon as your mumstinct is triggered it's impossible to turn off until you know for certain. Like I said at the beginning, Im neurotic. And because I was worried of people having a joke and blaming my neurotic ways for me being convinced something was wrong, I ignored my instincts and just spent the entire first 2 weeks of Isabel's life worrying. So as mummas, ALWAYS trust your instincts. And don't fear looking silly. I know I won't ever ignore them again and I also won't ever accept having my children diagnosed over the phone!! Jess X As I write this, I am rocking Isabel for what is coming up to 2 hours. That's right, I have been rocking Isabel for 2 hours.
Today she is suffering with a pretty horrific case of nappy rash. By horrific I mean its even making me feel uncomfortable and no amount of sudocream is helping to heal it. Abigail never suffered with nappy rash when she was younger, not even when she was teething so this is a little new to me. Isabel has suffered since she was born on and off with a sore bum, but it has always been easily fixed with a little dab of sudocream and some naked time. This morning she woke up, her usual happy self but at about 11am she seemed to become super agitated and wouldn't settle. She is pretty horrific at bringing up her wind so at first I thought maybe she was a little gassy. But after 10 minutes of no burps I checked her bum. She had done a tiny poo and as soon as I took off her nappy I knew what had been bothering her. She instantly stopped crying when I removed the nappy and her bum was bright red and clearly sore. Isabel has been one of those babies that HATES a wet nappy on her bum since she was born- again something Abigail didn't mind at all. She would never wake in the night because she had done a poo and you would be none the wiser until you went to feed her and it was half way up her back. Isabel is the opposite. On several occasions she has woken up crying because she's done a poo is absolutely livid until you take the nappy off- where she will promptly fall asleep as soon as a clean nappy is put on. Anyway- I smothered her bum in sudocream and put on a fresh nappy and she instantly calmed down. Throughout the day she was aggy and everytime it was as soon as she filled her nappy, be it with wee or poo. It all came to a blindly horrific, full blown screaming baby scenario at the start of Abigail's bed time routine. Tonight was supposed to be bath night but seeing as Isabel's bum was on fire and Abigail was exhausted we decided we would have morning baths tomorrow. Abi got herself dressed, brushed her teeth and got into bed like an angel- which after a day of her being somewhat testing for this mumma was a delight. All she had wanted to do all afternoon was cuddle but it was near on impossible seeing as every time we got comfy and settled- Isabel would poo or wee and the fire bum situation started up again. I was suffering with serious mum guilt but had promised to read bed time stories and cuddle her in bed so wasn't feeling too bad. Isabel had other plans. Abi got into bed and her little sisters little whines soon turned into screams that resembled that of a banshee. I could not settle her. Nothing I did worked. She wasn't hungry and she didn't appear to have wind. She was just screaming, and crying proper tears and I couldn't help her. I was already suffering with guilt over Abi and suddenly I was feeling guilt that I couldn't help my clearly distressed newborn. Abi saved me. She stepped up to the big sister role like a champ and I have never been prouder. She picked her book- I quote 'A short one' and we sat down on her bed, with a screaming Isabel and I read the story over the banshee screams. Abi sat up smiling the entire time and Isabel eventually started to settle. Once I had finished the story Abi had a quick read and Isabel completely settled. We had a big cuddle in bed, had kisses and more cuddles and Abi fell straight to sleep before I had even left the room. Isabel started to scream again after 5 minutes but after yet another bum change and some sudocream applying she settled, but only on me. She just wanted cuddles and to be close and would occasionally pull a super sad face that broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. Fast forward 2 hours and here we are. Tonight I've cried. A lot. I couldn't spend the time I wanted with Abigail, I couldn't follow the routine we have had and enjoyed for almost 3 years and Abi- in my eyes- had missed out on cuddles and bed time stories. The fact she obviously didn't mind and enjoyed being the best big sister and helping me has completely blown over me and despite knowing she didn't mind, it still broke my heart. On top of my guilt over Abi, I was feeling horrible and guilty for not being able to comfort and help Isabel. And despite doing every thing I could, I still felt like I was failing. Isabel hasn't cried a lot since she was born, especially not proper tears so seeing her cry like it for so long, and on a night that Chris is at work and I was alone, tired and still very hormonal was horrible. She did eventually do a big fart, a massive burp with a little sick and suddenly all was right in the world for the littlest Bolton. Now that she's settled, I've spent the time staring at her and keeping her close. I've checked on Abi at least 5 times (she hasn't even so much as coughed so I've been checking on her for no reason other than my own silliness). I've dived into my jar of Nutella with a spoon and eaten half the jar, then I've eaten the other half with a banana so I don't feel so guilty- It's all about healthy balance right? There is no truer reflection of motherhood on my eyes! I think on top of my hormones, exhaustion and just being a little more sensitive today, the horrible events in London Westminster this afternoon have changed my prospective. Since I turned on the telly as it happened, I found myself getting anxious and desperately wanting to lock our doors and keep our babies safe from everyone and everything and I wanted Chris home. In the short moments we were all cuddled up on the sofa, I just stared at them both and held them both really tight. What kind of life will our children have when people are so willing to destroy one another for religion and pure hatred? I really struggle knowing that our children will never know the feeling of being safe and completely free, oblivious to any wrong in the world like we were. Tonight, I am going to bed with Abigail safely tucked up in her bed surrounded by her teddy's, Isabel safely tucked up in her sleepyhead and cot and Chris hogging the duvet and bed next to me. And i'll ever take my family, my world, for granted again. Being a mum is hard. If todays events in London had taken place before I was a mum, I would be sad sure, but not scared, terrified even like I am now. Through hard times and bad times as a mum, the good always outweighs the bad. A hard day is usually what us mums need to throw us back into check and make us realise that actually we aren't doing to bad. After my Nutella binge and a good cry, I feel better. And the level of guilt has definitely subsided. So ill leave this post like I seem to do a lot at the moment. Being a mum is hard, but worth it. And I love it. Even the hard and bad bits! Jess X Admittedly my 2 weeks post partum update is a few days late but it is a miracle it's even being written now...
If you've read my labour story you will know that I managed to escape my induced labour without anything more than a first degree tear and some 'grazing' and bruising. I also managed this with Abigail but I did have to have a catheter because of my damaged bladder so didn't escape completely unscathed. Other than walking with a slight waddle for a couple of days after Isabel arrived, I've actually felt quite good. The after pains were horrific- like mind numbingly, anger inducing horrific and Ill admit that in the middle of a night feed in a haze of exhaustion of baby poop I did find myself questioning if I was actually in labour again! BUT thankfully that stopped after a few days. My SPD completely disappeared as soon as Isabel arrived which was a massive relief but I am still suffering with some pretty horrible back ache. I'm hoping that by my 6 week check it will of subsided though and I'm putting it down to the fact that giving birth actually puts ALOT of strain on your body. I'm also thinking its because my back and stomach muscles are non existent now. If its still causing me some issues though I am already planning a good massage! Other than the exhaustion that comes with a new born and a hyper active toddler I do actually feel a lot better than what I did after having Abigail. One thing I have noticed though is that I am a lot more emotional this time than what I was with Abigail. I don't know if its hormones, lack of sleep or the fact Isabel is our last little baby, but I am definitely struggling a little with how fast time seems to be passing. Unlike with Abi where I was desperately waiting for her to hit each little milestone, I am actually finding myself wanting Isabel to take things a little slower and not grow too quick. If that makes sense? I have also spent a lot of the time going 'This time 1 or 2 weeks ago...' each day that anything happened... I did spend a lot of Saturday feeling super emotional as each minute passed and we got closer to 14.06 and Isabel was exactly 2 weeks old to the minute. I may of cried a little while eating Nutella from a spoon! In regards to any sort of weightloss attempt? I'm eating healthier and am planning on attending slimming world when I hit 6 weeks post baby. But for now I'm doing it from home to an extent and just eating healthy and being mindful of healthier choices. I have also become a bit of a coffee addict... As some of you may know, we booked our wedding for 16th March 2018 a few days before we found out we were expecting. I spent a lot of my pregnancy worrying about money to pay for the wedding, loosing atleast 3 stone before August this year (so I could purchase my wedding dress) and the stress of raising 2 children, running a home, paying for and planning a wedding and still enjoying our new family. It actually caused a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of anxiety. Which is why Chris and me decided to push our wedding back a year to 29th March 2019. The instant relief I felt was incredible. I no longer felt any weight loss pressure and all my money worries disappeared. Having the extra year to save and pay things off means that I can actually enjoy planning our wedding instead of dreading it. Ill do a quick post partum update at 4 weeks and do an update on how my attempt at starting to lose the hefty pregnancy weight gain is going. I don't plan on going nuts, like I said above, not having the pressure of a wedding dress to fit into in 5 months means that I don't feel bad for having the extra sugar in my coffee or the bar of chocolate as a treat and I wont be living in constant fear of my scales!! I cant wait to enjoy being a mumma of 2 and focusing on giving our girls a fab summer! Jess X Chris and me are massive fans of a good old food festival and last year at one of the many we attended we came across The Dorset Burger Company. Chris loves burgers and whenever we go out to dinner it's like his mission to find the best burgers out there. Our first taste of the classic Dorset Burger Company was incredible and as soon as we got home we quickly started to find out more information about the company. They are a small business with a restaurant in Weymouth who specialise in hand mans chargrilled burgers all made from ingredients that are sourced locally. After months of saying we wanted to go for a meal at the Weymouth restaurant, yesterday we finally did. We headed to Weymouth for our first weekly adventure that we are starting to do every week on Chris's day off. Our plan was to collect seashells and have some fish and chips. But it was actually quite chilly and as we passed the restaurant front on the way to the seafront we couldn't help but take a peak at the menu... Of course. We couldn't resist. Having a newborn makes eating out anywhere quite daunting. Actually just going out is quite Daunting. From finding places that are easily accessible for big prams and places to sit and eat that are spacious enough to comfortably fit said pram and toddler is quite difficult. The Dorset Burger Company was perfect for just that. The entrance into the restaurant is nice and wide and there's also several different rooms to sit and eat. Meaning there is plenty of space! The restaurant has quite a quirky feel about it and it's warm and welcoming throughout. There's a really comfy seating area at the back of the restaurant that looked super welcoming and I imagine is the best seat in the restaurant on a Saturday night! The service was incredible from the moment we walked in which again, with a new born and toddler the service you receive plays a massive part in how much you enjoy your meal. A meal out is never less than stressful when you have two littles! Especially when Abi spills an a entire cup of squash over herself and it's the one time in 3.5 years this Mumma didn't take her bag with spare clothes!!! Que massive mum guilt... But I am blaming my baby brain for this too! The selection of burgers is incredible- so incredible I won't even try and name them!! And the kids menu was just as amazing. As well as great value for a lot of food. Abi went for a classic Dorset Burger with fries and coleslaw. Chris went for the American Burger with mustard, gherkins, bacon, lettuce and Monterey Jack cheese. I went the dirty moo which was a classic Burger with the Dorset dirty sauce which was incredible and bacon and cheese! I also tried their house chutney which was spicy tomato and it was the best chutney I've ever had! The whole Dorset Burger Company experience was faultless for us. It was perfect. From the service, the atmosphere to of course the food, it was one of the best meals we've ever had. Our meal came to £34 which considering our meal at Frankie & Bennies came to £36 for less food and not as great quality, I would say the Dorset Burger Company is amazing value for money and worth every penny. Its also amazing knowing that all the ingredients are locally sourced and fresh. Our overall verdict of The Dorset Burger Company is pretty obvious. AMAZING. We are already planning our next visit and I'm hoping for a date night once Isabel is a bit older and I can pluck up the courage to leave her for the evening. The distance to Weymouth for food doesn't even bother me when it's as good as it is!! The food is worth every penny and the quality on top of the incredible service guarantees a great experience- with children for Company or not! So. Thankyou Dorset Burger Company for the best meal we have had in a very long time and for making these tired parents (and an especially emotional Mumma) feel great and giving us the best last day of paternity treat we could of asked for. Jess
X I can't believe our littlest love is 2 weeks old... Isabel is so different to Abi when she was a baby. She's calm, relaxed and sleeps through absolutely everything. It would actually be a bit of a concern if she hadn't passed her hearing test with flying colours! On the rare occasions that she does wake up, she is wide awake and alert. Her big wide eyes have a good look around and she takes in every sight and sound. She has super active bowels...Always pooing! But since switching to formula she's less constant bowel movements and more a few times a day as opposed 10!! Unlike Abigail, Isabel is quite dark so a bit more like me. Which would be nice seeing as Abi is a mini Chris! So I'm looking forward to seeing who she turns into as she gets bigger. Despite being a whole lb heavier than Abi atbirth, she's actually shorter so seems smaller. She's just a bit chunkier (another reason she's a bit more like me!) At 9 days old, we were invited to a new born photographer so that Isabel could be a model for some training. It didn't go to great as she wasn't a fan of being disturbed during sleep and is apparently too stubborn! But we managed 5 photos in 4 hours so not too bad going... Abi is obsessed and can't get enough of cuddles and helping in any way she can. She also wants to show her to anyone she can and asks everyday if we can keep her! Which is a relief!! Chris goes back to work on Monday and we've really enjoyed our 2 weeks together as a family of 4. Despite it being a very sleep deprived and hard couple of weeks we have enjoyed a meal out to treat Abi to Frankie and bennies (she had the time of her life and Isabel slept the entire time) And Chris and Abi have had several days of just solid daddy- daughter time while I've been busy with Isabel. This did result in a lot of lego being purchased though and I've trodden on it several times already!! Isabel has managed to gain 2lbs since she was born and we are really pleased with that- especially after a rubbish start regarding her feeding!
Ive said it in every post since Isabel arrived, but I had forgotten how hard a newborn is! But it's been the best feeling having our family complete. Especially after a tough 9 months!! But we have quickly remembered little tricks to help with newborn troubles. Now to survive chris returning to work and regain some sort of routine and control! Jess X As we approach Isabel's 2 week birthday, I find myself having a tiny little cry at least once a day at how fast the last two weeks have gone.
I was a bit emotional with Abi after she was born but nothing that you could call the stereotypical post pregnancy crying. Just the occasional tear in my eye and that was it. This time around however is a different story... Isabel is our last little human- and I'm not just saying that. She really is. Not only because we want to be able to give our 2 children the best life (and each child costs) but because, as you've probably read, I don't carry well. My pregnancies aren't great and I genuinely don't think I can take another 9 months of constant worry and pain. I'm putting my over emotional state down to the knowledge that I'll never experience the new born rush of love again and that all Isabel's firsts will be our last experience of them. That along with a severe lack of sleep anyway. When Abi was born and Chris went to work I didn't find it particularly hard. I washed my hair everyday and I was always on time as well as my cup of tea always being warm. This time? Turns out I can go a week without washing my hair- who knew? I'm now always late. All the time. And I can't remember the sensation of a warm cuppa. Throwing a baby into the already testing toddler life really does change everything! (Take note that Chris hasn't returned to work yet either and he's been my rock the last two weeks doing everything for me! This is probably why I'm getting quite anxious at the thought of him going back) Going from 1 little person to 2 is hard. I mentioned it briefly in my last post, but I didn't explain why. So... Your attention is suddenly needed by 2 very needy humans and it's impossible to please everyone at the same time. As I write this I'm feeding Isabel (we are on formula now but it still leaves you unable to do anything obviously) and Abigail is asking for food- which I obviously can't get at the moment. The good thing is, is that Abigail is really understanding and actually offers to help me instead of continually asking. But it still means she's being put out- if only for 2 minutes - because mummy is busy. Everything also takes double the time, actually it takes even longer. I've always been on time. If not early- suddenly Abi is strolling into nursery on a Tuesday 15 minutes late and if I arrange to be somewhere, people should expect me to be 30 minutes to 45 minutes late. Ive realised I can infact shower, brush my teeth, wee, get dressed and apply some make up in 10 minutes... The girls enjoy a nice 20-30 minutes of getting ready time- each! While I'm lucky if I can brush my hair. But that's what being a Mumma is about so I don't mind. If anything I have the perfect excuse to leave the house looking slightly homeless like so I'll make the most of it while I can. Chris is massively missing out on any attention and despite him doing absolutely everything for me to keep the house in a good order, I really haven't shown how much I appreciate it- other than dribble on his pillow and yell some sleep talking abuse at him if he wakes me up. But now that we are settling into our life as 4 I'm definitely feeling myself again and will hopefully start to be a better fiancée someday soon- hopefully!! Sleep deprivation is a real thing- and I didn't suffer with Abi. But the night feeds and early toddler mornings are not a good combination. That being said I think I'm at that stage now where if I slept too much I'd struggle more. I'm aware this probably sounds like I'm not loving being a mum of 2. But let me assure you I am. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am or fed up of smelling like sick and poo or stealing a super quick 1 minute shower, I am so in love with our 2 girls that it actually hurts a little. Nothing compares to thefeeling of overwhelming love and no matter how tired, fed up or emotional I feel, one cuddle with Abi and Isabel and I feel instantly better. I was extremely nieve thinking that having 2 littles would be easy... And I feel like an idiot for thinking it. But after 2 weeks I think I've started to realise that I can't be too hard on myself. Yes, it's hard and it will be a lot harder when Chris returns to work- hence the sometimes crippling anxiety I experience. But it's not because I'm scared of being alone with 2 little ones but because I'm actually scared about the house becoming absolute chaos. I don't want to rely on chris every day after work to hoover, cook and clean. I like doing all those things and despite hating washing and ironing I love it when I'm on top of it and in control. Which, today ive managed to do. All washing is done and so is the ironing so I don't need to worry about it for a few days and it's a definite weight lifted. Other than my slight anxiety I'm actually looking forward to having a routine in place once chris is back at work. I'm a definite closet control freak. Ill no doubt be writing another post next week after our first week full of tears and upset but at least im going in to it positive - well kind of. Anyone who is reading this who is expecting their second baby or even their first- it's hard, but worth it. Like I said there's nothing more rewarding than cuddles and the love that your child or baby- no matter what age has for you. When we had Abigail, we stuck to the basic baby necessities and we coped pretty well without any of the cool baby bits you can get these days. This time around I wasn't fussed on doing anything different or trying out anything new. That was until I started to read about the sleepyhead deluxe. The idea behind it instantly peaked my interest. I loved the idea of it being portable and mimicking the baby feeling snug and secure like in the womb. At £110 though, Chris was not willing to give it a go. We had a perfectly good crib from Abi so why couldn't we use that? I could see his point but truth be told I wasn't a fan of the crib and I was especially sulky knowing something that so many mums have called 'life changing' was out there to be brought. Luckily my mum and dad decided to get it for us as a baby shower gift. Now, Isabel is only 11 days old so her sleeping doesn't need improving yet but our sleepyhead verdict so far? WE LOVE IT. On our first night at home I wasn't expecting a great sleep, but Isabel slept great in it. She also settled on our first day at home every time she was put in it after being cuddled. Which when we had Abi and would put her in her crib, she wouldn't settle very well. Ill get the one negative we have about the sleepy head out the way and that is the fact it's not easy to wash, and the price of the extra covers isn't something I'm willing to spend money on when a baby will just puke on it anyway. Now for all the positives- it's super portable. We can easily carry it around the house to where we are and baby can be close by while we are doing jobs etc. It's easy and simple to take wherever you go. For instance we went to my mums for dinner and we took the sleepyhead with us- it meant Isabel had somewhere safe and familiar to settle and it wasn't a hardship having to take it with us. Unlike if you only have a Moses basket. It looks pretty cool. And despite it being tricky to wash does wash up well. It should last atleast 6-8 months. If baby doesn't grow like a monster!!! If anyone was to ask if I'd reccomend the sleepy head what would I say?
Absolutely. It's worth is weight in gold. There are obviously quite a few different 'sleep pod' style beds out on the market now, and we have only tried the sleepyhead but we really can't fault it (other than the cover situation) and either can Isabel. I definitely wish we had invested in one or something similar when Abigail was a baby. It would of made our life a lot easier. It may cost £110 but it's worth it- and that's coming from a very tight parent!! Ill leave you with some cute pictures of Isabel loving her sleep in her sleepy head deluxe! Jess X As I write this, I'm sat on the sofa with Isabel on my chest snoring and Abigail watching Disney- something she's been doing since 5am after her 4am wake up call. Having a new born is hard work, but having a new born and a toddler is the hardest thing we have ever had to contend with. The transition from 1 child needing your attention to 2 is incredibly difficult. You can't seem to please everyone at once and the pressure I've put on myself emotionally has definitely effected our first week. I was desperate to breast feed this time around after giving up after 2 days with Abi. From the moment Isabel was born she was hungry and after 5 minutes she did eventually latch on. But it hurt. Her latch was perfect according to midwives but it still hurt a lot. I persevered and continued and on Sunday she ate roughly every 3 hours. The midwife came round and again, double checked Isabel's latch and said it was perfect. She also warned us that the second night is usually the night baby becomes attached to your boob for hours... Just like Abi did!! While the midwife was here she also double checked her jaundice and said that she saw no risk anymore as she was a perfect colour. That night- well afternoon, at 4.30, Isabel latched on... And stayed that way until 10... 5 and a half hours... My nipples were sore, cracked and bleeding and Isabel would not settle. Chris was up and down the stairs checking on me like a yo yo and the whole ordeal was made slightly more stressful when Abigail woke up projectile vomiting everywhere. Chris had to help with a puking, scared toddler and a cracked nipple, emotional Mumma. The only one who didn't need anything was Isabel because, yes you guessed it, she was quite happily sucking on my breast. Still. Reluctantly we gave in and gave her some formula and she instantly settled. She woke up twice in the night and had some more formula as my milk couldn't settle her and when we woke up in the morning we continued with breast feeding. My midwife Sian came and visited on Monday and despite still feeding her myself I was in agony and really struggling. She suggested nipple shields so we got some- personally I didn't get on with them and Isabel just got aggy. Sian also said she thought my milk would come in the next day. That night she was back to formula and I was really angry with myself. Which is stupid. But I was. My milk did come in on the Tuesday but due to our rough start I still couldn't feed Isabel directly. So I pumped and pumped and her day time feeds were breast milk and her night feeds formula. Wednesday was the same but that evening I was uncomfortable and suffering with the worst mum guilt as I couldn't look after Abi or help her when I was hooked up to a pump. It was Thursday night that I decided that formula was the better route for our family. Not only was I suffering physically- cracked nipples are no joke! I was also suffering emotionally. Like I said, mum guilt. I hated not being to help Abi for hours at a time while I was either hooked up to a pump or had Isabel suckling away. I was also struggling with the pressure of breast feeding and the fact that no one but me could help Isabel when she was hungry. Especially at night. The midwife came round on Thursday for Isabel's 5 day check and while she was here I discussed my thoughts and she said it was definitely best I stopped. I stopped pumping and despite the first couple of days of heavy sore boobs, I've woken up today and I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable. What probably didn't help our breastfeeding journey is the fact I got mastitis as soon as my milk came in. If you've had it you will know just how hard that makes a new breast feeding journey. The pain is intense and nothing seems to soothe it. Abi was formula fed from day 2 and I did suffer with guilt after switching over but not as bad as I have this time. I'm putting it down to being exhausted and emotional! Other than our feeding issues our first week has been good. Isabel passed her hearing tests with flying colours and since being on formula she's definitely more settled. Abi is obsessed with her baby sister but the last couple of days she has started to misbehave. She is amazing with Isabel and has yet to ask the "when she's going back?" Question but she is rebelling against myself and Chris. I don't know wether it's my hormones or exhaustion or both but I've definitely really struggled watching her turn against us and I've found myself suffering with such bad mum guilt because I can't spend time with her like I usually do. Well actually I'm just feeling mum guilt for changing her life so much in an instant. Which I know is stupid but it's true. Today we caved in and she's gone out with my mum for the day. I had a 2 hour nap and my god I do feel better. What hasn't helped with my exhaustion and emotion is the fact I've had a cold and been put on antibiotics for suspected mastitis. Which on top of general post birth discomfort and hormones has definitely made me more of a crazy lady!! I definitely underestimated how hard having a newborn and toddler is. But Chris has been my very own super hero. He's done the washing, cleaned the house, done dinners and been the best dad to both Abigail and Isabel. He's helped with night feeds and put up with my hormonal post birth crying! Isabel's a dream during the day but we are starting to suspect she may be a bit of a night owl... Unlike Abi who was great at night!! We have had a couple of times where her grumbling has woken Abi up which of course causes a bit of an issue in that as soon as Abi is awake she will not sleep for anything. After every feed you're pretty much guanteed a nice fresh poo - there's been several incidents of poo all over me and the bed!! I can't believe it's been a week already. I've spent all day saying "this time last week" and having little emotional moments. After such a rough pregnancy it feels amazing having Isabel here. The feeling of our family being complete is the most surreal and incredible emotion and we have loved every second. Even the painful, hard and tired ones!! Chris returns to work on Thursday so we have 4 days left of living in our new family bubble. Monday we have a photo shoot for Isabel with an amazing photographer which only I can take her too (very nervous about this seeing as she poos all the time!!) and Abi and Chris are going on an adventure. Other than that we are making the most of having daddy at our beck and call. That being said I'm planning on starting a routine tomorrow so it's not a complete shock to the system when chris returns to work. Jess
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